my 5 minute invincible sketch.
the goggles are wonky, i know... i know.
(but it's only a sketch)

Well, I officially didn't get the grant I applied for. Fearing rejection I waited, well... quite a long time before opening it. But, well, now it's official.
I want to say something about rejection.
Yesterday morning I went looking through all my old art stock for charcoal pencils and the like to bring to the place I'll be staying for the summer. Along the way I unearthed a beautiful wooden box my dad made for me when I graduated college. It's roughly the size and shape of a briefcase, latches and all, and although I should know what type of wood it's made from, I don't. It was covered in about an inch of dust and after wiping it clean I felt a bit sad, like I should be using this more.
The purpose of the box is artistic portability. Inside there are compartments for pens and pencils and brushes and all sorts of anything you might need or want to create with. On the top there is a slat perfect for storing paper or thin canvas and the whole thing closes up exactly like a briefcase for the artist on the go. We had seen one made of flimsy wood and glue in the Art Store just before I graduated, and my dad asked me if I liked it. I told him that I liked the design but it looked cheesy and breakable and that the stuff he made was much better. So he went home and made one for me the following week.
On the top shelf of this wooden briefcase there was a fancy hand-made paper bag. In it were all sorts of letters and napkin poetry circa 2002. As I was unfolding this stuff it felt like I was unfolding myself, but a rougher, angrier me. I must've packed up this time capsule of self as Amy and I were having our falling out because among the personal miscellany are quotes like “Aim, I love you but don’t fucking trust you.” –tana and a blurb from g--- about running through a hotel stealing ice and filling up the sink and how we absolutely have to try it that ends in “-but I was also on a lot of meth then, too.”
6 years is a long time.
In the middle of everything were some notes I had scribbled about a book I wanted to write about a community of lesbians living in Boston…
6 years is a very long time.
Robert Kirkman, the man responsible for Invincible (today’s sketch) and some of the freshest, most excellent comics on the market today said that people will occasionally come up to him at conventions and say I have been working on this amazing project for like, eleven years and if you want I will tell you all about it and you can use my awesome idea! And Robert’s response to these guys is to say, listen jackass, if you have been working on the same “awesome” project for eleven years all that tells me is that you can’t finish anything or you’re lazy.
So which one am I?
Today, I am neither.
Rejection is fine as long as you don’t let it cripple you. The application I sent was an unfinished hodgepodge of pasted ideas and character sketches-- Nothing like a polished project. The book as it is today is a far cry from the one that was reviewed and, when it comes time for the next review session I will be ready.
Remember that saying “If at first you don’t succeed try, try, again.”? Well, I’m pasting that up on my desk right beside “Anything worth doing is worth doing right.” I’m not known for my optimism, as anyone who knows me will tell you, but after opening the time capsule of my old self it’s remarkable and somewhat inspiring (if I do say so myself) to see just how far I’ve come.
Rejection isn’t the last thing, it’s the least thing.